Saturday morning Davis went to Ski Jammers and Holden and I went to get our nails done and then to get her some new tennis shoes...she is growing so fast right now. We had such a fun little morning- she feels like it is such a treat to get her nails painted. This time she picked Hello Kitty pink sparkle and then asked for flowers and tiger stripe patterns on her nails. High maintenance! She just cannot understand why I don't ever get flowers on my nails. :-)
She loves the tutu my grandparents gave her a few years ago- somehow it still fits- and she has been using it as a layering piece- on Saturday she layered it over red flannel pajama pants. Edgy.
I call this look Hobo Chic. Not Boho. Hobo. I love her sense of style. And I love that she brought the purse I brought her from Paris, paired with her Goldy Gopher sunglasses. :-)
Davis was skiing at Buck Hill, which is about 20 minutes from us. I made the mistake of telling him we would come watch him that day...and then I got a call from the director at 2:00 saying he continued to ask where I was and was unwilling to go skiing with his group because he was afraid he would miss me. I should have anticipated that, but I didn't. So I got on the phone and told him that I was coming to watch him ski and he better get out there and ski.
When I got there, the director found me, and I could tell as he walked up that he was frustrated and I was about to hear all about it. Sure enough- Davis had another rough day on the bus- and he started to ask me what I wanted to do and how I wanted to handle it- when I started to cry.
I guess he didn't expect that- because I could see his body language change. And then he started to hesitate and fumble and he said something like "Oh gosh. I didn't. I didn't meant to upset you. It's really not so bad in the scheme of things- we just don't know how to handle it." And then of course when someone feels bad for you- it's even worse- and you cry more.
So I looked at him and I said "No it's fine. I understand. I know it's a challenge. I don't want him to interrupt your program or bother the other kids. Maybe he isn't mature enough to do the bus ride. I just wanted to give this a try."
And he was kind. He continued to apologize for making me cry and I just said "You caught me on a bad day. This is just tough. I want him to be able to try things...and I want him to have friends and be successful...and it's hard when it doesn't work."
So I watched Davis ski a bit and then I packed him up and took him home.
It was a tough day. It started on the bus that morning when I watched a little boy we know very well act like he didn't know Davis. How do humans start being so cruel so early? It gave me knot in my throat like I haven't experienced in a long time. But I sent him on the bus because he has to try things and I can't protect him from everything.
But maybe the bus is too much. You gotta know what your'e capable of. Or not. And that's hard enough to do for yourself- and even harder to do for someone else.
Anyway- I sobbed the whole drive home from Buck Hill. And I felt angry and I felt heartbroken. I felt scared. And I felt most clearly that I need to show people more grace. The way that director approached me- and the way he started in with me was clear that he was frustrated, he wanted me to know it, he was sure I was just a crappy parent or Davis was just a crappy kid, and then as he listened, he very quickly realized that perhaps there is more to the story and perhaps he isn't the one having the toughest time with the situation after all. And I need to realize that- with more people- more often.
Sometimes you have to handle with care.