C.S. Lewis is known for both writing and saying many poignant things- and this one has been resonating in my mind lately. "Isn't it funny how day by day nothing changes, but when you look back, everything is different?" Maybe it's the fact that we are coming up on our one year anniversary here or maybe I realize just in general, how quickly time is flying, but this quote made me think a lot about how much I have changed over the last year.
I love to reflect. Have I told you that? A person without reflection is a person without self awareness- and ain't nobody got time for that. AMIRIGHT? There is a big difference between reflection and dwelling on the past. Reflection, by definition, is the act of seeing yourself, as you truly are. Maybe with a few ripples waiting to settle, of course. But dwelling on the past, is focusing on yourself as you WERE. And getting stuck there. Dwelling there. The importance of reflection (whether real time or historical) is to guide your steps forward.
Anyway- that's what I think. And I didn't plan on getting so into the philosophy. I just get carried away sometimes about things I am interested in. So...as you were...the C.S. Lewis quote got me thinking about how much has changed and one of the best things about having a blog/journal that you update regularly is that you don't have to GUESS how you were feeling and what you were thinking, because you have it all written down!
So of course, I went back and looked at some posts from last year at this time. There was a lot about moving and a lot about Nikki's wedding, and soo soo many activities. And it's weird how writing (especially great writing- ;-)) can make you almost feel exactly what you felt when you first wrote the story. The thing that I remembered the most, the feeling that came back so hugely and quickly, was the feeling of turmoil. I was in such turmoil about moving. Some days I was excited and ready to just do it already, but most days, I just didn't feel great about it all. I didn't want to leave the place and the things that I love. I didn't want to leave what I knew. Ugh. It's maybe one of the worst feelings EVER- turmoil is. I say loneliness is THE worst. Boredom is also up there, and after re-reading some of those old posts- TURMOIL is newly in my top three. Knot in your empty stomach- feel like you can't swallow for days- turmoil. Blech.
As hard as it is sometimes to be here- for the most part, I'm happy, and I do not want to return to that feeling of turmoil. But, holy cow, if I were moving somewhere new and different tomorrow, I don't even know if I would have that feeling again. Meaning! I've learned something by going through it. Sure, it would be a bit scary...but if there is ANYTHING I've learned in moving here, it's that God has already laid the groundwork if you are going where He wants you to go...and if He has laid the groundwork, it's got to be good, right? Even with the hard days.
The other thing I've learned is that there are AMAZING people everywhere. And that feeling of friendship and connectedness will get you through almost anything. It's been weird how I will be having a rough week here and I'll just get a random text from someone that I know, but that isn't my best friend. You know? And that has also made me realize the big difference I can make in someone's day- just by letting them know I care about them. They're not alone in the world.
A lot has changed. And some things have stayed the same. And I'll probably do a more specific post on that when we hit our BIG Minne anniversary date in a few weeks. But for now, as I was looking back at old posts, I found old pictures of Davis and Holden (of course). Look how much THEY HAVE CHANGED IN A YEAR!
OH, and I wanted to finish with this picture of Holden and Courtney in their cute polka dot pants because COURTNEY IS IN LABOR! Baby Barry will be born today. And all of the sudden I'm thinking it's a girl. Maybe because everyone (myself included) has thought it would be a boy...I can't wait! Have a great Wednesday.