I've been feeling quite homesick this week. I have had two dreams where I am living in Austin again, and I wake up and feel so bummed out that it's not real. It's odd because I'm pretty happy here, it's not as though I'm sad about being here...it's more that for whatever reason, being back home sounds pretty good to me lately. I was telling Bennett this, and he said "Well, the timing is good because we're about to go back..." And I thought "Well, it's good and bad." It could give me the Texas fix that I need, or it could make it even harder. I'm hoping it's the former vs. the latter.
I am also looking forward to this coming weekend so I can have a break from little Davis. I love him to pieces, but oh my gosh, I feel as though I have run out of all patience with him lately. We have been having a really great, easy, happy time for quite a while now, but all of the sudden it's like nothing is easy with him, and frankly...it's just EXHAUSTING. Why does it have to be a war to get him to eat like half a piece of toast? Why do I have to ask him 18 times to put his clothes on? Why can't he just feel tired and sleep at normal times? Why can't I keep my cool anymore? I just feel spent. And I also hate how I'm responding to him, which makes me feel guilty.
I have his five year old check up tomorrow morning and I'm hopeful his doctor will give me some good advice. Or some booze. Or both. Ha. Maybe we all just need a break.
Tomorrow is my last day of work, which feels really odd. I was telling my friend Ellie that I didn't really think I would feel as sad as I do. I guess it's a couple things. 1) I feel super nostalgic about it because working here, while boring work-wise, was really fun socially. Especially when I first started. There were about 10 girls that palled around together and made me feel really welcome- people I still hang out with- and even though most of them work other places now- that was sort of when I really felt like I fit in somewhere. So I feel nostalgic about that. 2) I gave this my best efforts, and it just didn't work. And that is too bad. I really wanted it to work and I tried so many different things, and it just didn't work. And that just feels bad. And 3) While it's exciting to start this new job, it's hard to start over. It's good to find change and go for it, but you have to go through the learning curve again, and you have to hope that you like it, and it's just not super settled.
So I guess there is a lot weighing on me. And I'm hopeful that this trip back to Texas can be footloose and fancy free. And that I will feel refreshed when we come back.
Sorry to be a downer. It's just what's on my mind today.