Just Don't Feel That Way?

Sometimes a thought will ruminate in my mind for a while, show itself in a few different ways, just glimpses, before I realize it's a real thought that I am pondering. As I'm thinking about moving, and all the changes and challenges I will face, I think about exciting things and I also think about my fears. And sometimes, as I am thinking about my fears, I have this clear. short. thought: "just choose not to feel that way."

Scenario 1, part A: I find myself thinking: What if I can't find a great job and I feel like a total failure and I don't meet anyone and then I get depressed and I start to become really reclusive (like Hannah in GIRLS, season 2) and all I can think to do is cry and cut my hair until I look like her...or a cracked out version of one of the monkees?




Scenario 1, part B: Then I very abruptly think to myself "Just don't feel that way. Just DECIDE not to." And then I think "Yes. That's exactly right, Sam. Brilliant idea. Just don't feel that way. This is going to be a piece of cake."

Riddle me this- is that possible? And if it's possible, is it healthy? Part of me feels like "Well yes, certainly it is. Life is 10% what happens to you and 90% how you respond to it. Take control." And then I start to think about faith and God and how sometimes you find yourself in situations that you don't like because you need to have those experiences and feel those (sometimes horrible) feelings so you become the person that you need to be.

So I guess the summary of the thought in my head is- is it better to sort of flit through life deciding to stop being so damn precious about things? Or is it better to really FEEL things? All the time. Or is there some middle ground?

Listen, I'm sort of annoying myself with my editorial on my blog lately. Lots of whining and feelings about moving and I'm sure it's getting old to my readers. I get that I'm not being stuck on a work/slave ship for 10 years like Jean Valjean, or losing my child and facing a life of prostitution like Fantine...



I'm simply moving to another nice city (which was recently named the "fittest city" by USA Today) in the United States of America. I know. But, some of the most serious learning situations I have been in have been incredibly first world. And they have had impact, so I'm also trying not to belittle this move and the fact that I feel like I have a learning/growing period of time ahead of me.

It's weird when that happens- when you know you're about to deal with some stuff. It's sort of a creepy feeling, like you know you're about to walk around the corner and get freaked out by whatever is there...but that you will come out on the other side a better, more interesting person for it. And I want to be a more interesting person for goodness sakes. I want to squeeze this life like a lemon.

Anyway. That's what I've been thinking about.
Peace out.