Sunday Night Thoughts

I'm at home, watching the Olympics. Feeling nervous about what I'm about to see happen with Jordyn Wieber since I already read about it online. Damn you technology! Ha. Also writing a presentation for the assistant account managers at work on "Managing Up". I meet with them/train them once a month and I really love it. It happens to be all girls- so we have a lot of fun, I hope they learn a lot, and we have a little girl talk too.

Anyway- I just have thoughts streaming through my head so I thought I would write them down. I'm a little lonely these days. I miss Bennett...he's traveling so much. I'm hoping we have a new solution soon- it's rough on him, and it's certainly hard on us at home. Mostly I miss having him here every night, or at least most nights, and on top of that, I miss having freedom. Freedom to go see friends occasionally, freedom to work out whenever I want, freedom just to go to the grocery store at night. On one hand, I shouldn't complain. Think of single moms, army moms, etc, etc. But on the other, I still feel this way. I cannot imagine how my mom did this every day for 20+ straight years. I seriously can't. It's lonely.

So that's one thing. The other thing is that I got a new car. Well, a new to me car. I ended up buying a pre-owned Acura MDX. It's white and so nice...and my favorite thing is that you can open and close the trunk with the click of a button. It's the little things. Okay, actually, that's a lie. My favorite thing is that I shouldn't have to look for cars again for a LONG TIME. Car shopping is the worst. And again- I shouldn't complain. I was able to go buy a nice car. Many people aren't. And on that note, I feel both excited about it, and a little bit like "maybe I should have just gotten something else..."

We had a sermon at church this morning about how you cannot serve two masters. You can't stop and start at the same time. You can't hold on and let go. You can't love and hate. And it was really about where you spend your time- whether in thinking, spending, worrying, working, or whatever...that is who/what you serve. And it was really about money. And while I wouldn't say I'm the most materialistic person ever- I'm also a middle class American. And I have these false expectations and feelings of entitlement...I really do. And it sort of makes me feel gross. If I had bought a Kia, I could have given my money to something/someone else.

And it reminds me that I need to make sure that not everything in my life is about me. And I don't mean just me, Sam. I mean me: my family, my friends, my job, my house, my dreams. Sometimes your master isn't even so selfish. It might be just making sure your kids are set up...can go to college stress free, or whatever. But it's still serving yourself...and that, I feel like, is really all I do. I need to change that. So that's on my mind. I just need more time.

I know. That's just an excuse.

We had a good weekend...it was nice to feel like we had three days to spend together doing whatever we wanted (other than car shopping). I could tell that Davis was so glad Bennett was home. He's been having a hard time lately- and I think it has a lot to do with his daddy being gone. He has a harder time at drop-off...today he wouldn't even stay in sunday school without huge crocodile tears...and he's started to be more vocal about missing his dad. So clearly we're trying to figure out a solution...but in the meantime it was nice to have a long weekend. Bennett took Friday off to help me with the car stuff, and I was so thankful for that.

Saturday we had the Ryans over- and Carrie said it best when she said "We've reached the promise land..." because Davis and Porter just played on their own the whole time. It was so nice. Porter would say things like "Let's go play in your room, Davis..." and I loved seeing them chase each other and giggle. We picked up Salt Lick for dinner. We watched the Olympics. GO TEAM USA! And just hung out.

And then today we did church, we played, we took Bennett to the airport and then we went to a birthday party for our 3 year old neighbor. Davis had a REALLY hard time understanding and dealing with the fact that the amazing Monster Mutt (a monster truck that is also a dog) we got was for Gavin. Not him. But we had fun anyway...

Okay, well I'm off to bed. Hope you had a great weekend.