Perspective

Well, Davis is sick. Again. We have been to the doctor 7 times between the two of them, in the last six weeks. This time it was out of nowhere. We went to Fred to see my grandparents and play with Kirsten and Andy. Davis was as happy as a clam and then all of the sudden in the afternoon he started sobbing and spiked a crazy fever. He threw up that night and has been miserable ever since.

We went to the doctor and simply by process of elimination and the fact that he was already 8 days into an antibiotic for his ear infection, she said it was viral. Boo. And I am really just hoping a) that Holden doesn't get sick and b) that it's not hand foot mouth again. He has a little sore on his tongue, but nowhere else. Hoping it's unrelated. HFM is certainly the worst.

But I will say this. As you could probably tell...I was wallowing a bit last week. Just about feeling like all I did was feed Holden and hold her upright all day. Well. This. This situation, dealing with a miserable toddler who just wants to be held all day and cries for 30-60 minutes straight at a time, all the while trying to feed Holden and keep her upright so she doesn't spit up, so I don't have to start all over again. This. Makes last week feel like a cake walk.

And I am kind of relating this to the sermon at church Sunday. Granted, I get that I don't have real world problems...but it has been hard and I have felt sad and tired and tested. And the sermon was about what we do with hard times. Do we praise God because inevitably we are learning and growing through them...do we thank God even? It makes total sense that we would. I mean who wants to stay stagnant vs. learning, growing and becoming our best selves? Not me. But it's easier said than done because we feel like we deserve better. I deserved a perfect, enjoyable maternity leave. At least during the day, right? I mean, I won't get this time back, it has a finite end. I am not a stay at home mom and I will go back to work...so this is it, in some ways.

So I am trying to learn and I certainly have new perspective.

When Katie was here I was telling her how I was lacking confidence. Feeling like I would never be able to manage two kids while Davis is traveling. I mean, I was losing sleep over how I would get them up and out the door, while also getting to work before 10 for goodness sakes. We, together, as a family of four have been averaging about two hours to get out the door. Seriously. Her eating, alone, takes 90 minutes. So I have been terrified. Of failing. Of letting people down, of being less than great at work. And this last few days has made me realize that it will come together. I can do it. My perspective has changed, I am still nervous, but gaining confidence...and it had to get harder for me to get here. So I guess I am thankful for that.

I am such a grown up these days. Ha.