Life is Simple

And then you have kids.

And you realize exactly how simple life before kids was, by comparison. And sometimes, after a few rough weeks of sleepless nights, you ask yourself why you decided to have kids. (If you're being honest with yourselves...come on moms, don't hang me out to dry on this one). And it's not because you regret having kids. Not by any means- not even in the darkest hours. But moreso because you are wondering what exactly prompted you to take the first step on a journey that would be far more consuming and life changing than you ever could have expected. And then if you are like me, and you're sitting there, maybe sniffling, maybe full-on sobbing to yourself, you realize it doesn't really matter why you decided to have kids because you had no idea what having kids meant anyway.

Looking back- you stop sniffling and maybe chuckle a little at how you might as well have been thinking "I think I'd like to start a band. Wouldn't that be great? Yeah, I think I'll be lead singer of a band" because starting a band is literally as far from reality as your naive little nimwit ideas of what having kids would be like. What it would take. And also, in fairness, what it would give.

And you laugh for a moment. And then probably you sob a bit more. You sob because Davis came home miserable and limping that day...after a week of being so sick...following a week that ended with him being bitten at school. And you aren't sure you're doing the right thing. And you feel like you made the best choice- it is supposed to be the best little school in town- but you're starting to wonder. And you can't sleep because your heart hurts. It really hurts. Like physically. And then, because you have a vivid imagination and a very awake brain, you realize that this isn't even the worst. This is like the tip of the iceberg that sunk the Titanic.

Because one day he is going to get picked on at school. Or he is going to find out he didn't make the soccer team. Or worse, some slutty little vixen is going to break his heart and make him feel like he isn't good enough...(even though clearly, he's out of her league by leaps and bounds and she'll probably regret the day she dumped Davis Bennett for years down the road, and deservedly so). And you realize there is nothing you can do to prevent these things and you hurt for him and you also (again, if you're honest) hurt for yourself a little bit, because there are a lot of nights like this ahead.

And you finally sob yourself to sleep.

And when you wake up, he is there and he is smiling and he is chanting for CEWEAL!!! And his face lights up when he sees you bought Golden Grahams...and that face. That lit-up Golden Grahams face makes it all worthwhile. And you realize that God is giggling. And He's saying "This. This is what love is Sam." And you realize that while He's giggling at you, He was also there with you the night before when your heart was in your throat and he was also saying then "This. This that you are feeling for Davis? This is also how I love you." And you know that you are lucky to be part of something so amazing.