My grandfather also sent me one of the kindest notes, paying me some of the most amazing compliments I have ever received. Thank you grandpa! Being that he is my grandfather, he was talking about how well I work with people and how people just love me, and it's funny because last week I almost wrote a post called "Not everybody's gonna like you..."
And in this post I was going to share with you how one thing I have learned since moving to Minneapolis is that not everyone is going to like me. And while that sounds SO obvious you're probably wondering what delusional, self-involved, unaware world I was living in before I realized this...the truth is, I guess I have felt like most people like me okay because 1) I like people and therefore I generally try to enjoy them and I hope they in return enjoy me 2) I think I am pretty kind- and pretty fun and 3) no one has really told me otherwise. Decent reasons, right?
Well- while I have made a million friends and built a really nice and sincere network of people here- I also know that some people don't like me here. Like REALLY just don't like me. And as I realized this- it REALLY bothered me. Like I started to feel so down on myself and I started to second guess myself and I also started to feel mad about it. Like "What have I ever even done to these people?" I think I would known if we had ever gotten into an argument or a throw down or anything of the sort- right? I'm pretty self aware and I am certainly not a crazy person. But the truth is- I've learned a few things since being here...
1) culture is really different here. the minnesota nice thing is both sincere and a buncha bullshit. meaning- some people are truly nice and some people act nice because they would NEVER be honest about how they feel about anything in case they were to make someone feel uncomfortable or GOD FORBID they had a disagreement or confrontation. the scandinavian, never complain, never argue, never simply disagree, never talk about your feelings thing is real. and as you can imagine- Bennett and I are not really wired that way. i bring Bennett into it because he has experienced the same thing here. people just not liking or "getting" him.
2) maybe i'm more opinionated, more outspoken, more direct than i thought. sure- some of that could be in comparison to the culture here- definitely- but i would be remiss to act as though i haven't been coached for the previous five years in austin by a very smart, headstrong, driven italian woman named Jeanne. she taught me never to apologize for my thoughts, never to shy from something that could be a simple and honest conversation, and honestly not to worry too much about things other than being respectful to people and busting your ass at work.
3) i can be polarizing. when i was thinking about people not really liking me- i came up with a million people who really LOVE me, and i was constantly thinking "well- i can't be that bad because so and so, and so and so, and so and so think i am AWESOME. not just okay, but awesome. so how can that be"- it just didn't add up for me. but i have now come to realize that maybe it absolutely CAN be true. maybe it has to be true. for all the people that just think this outspoken texan with the loudest laugh they have ever heard is the best thing since slice bread- maybe just as many people will be turned off by just those things.
4) so i guess that's what it means to not be vanilla. to not just be a flavor that everyone feels okay about. i read a quote about a year ago that i thought was just fun at the time- but it has really come to be my rallying cry...and it goes like this "i'd rather be one person's shot of tequila than everyone's cup of tea..." and i guess that's really where i am.
what finally made me feel okay about the fact that not everyone is going to like me was realizing who i am. knowing in my heart- after much second guessing and fact checking- that i am kind to people. i am respectful to people. but i am also unapologetically me. and part of being me is knowing me and being true to me- and i guess not everyone is going to like it.
but you know what? well behaved women rarely ever made history anyway.
and also my grandpa adores me and thinks I'm the best human in the world so those that disagree can just stick it in their ear. SO SAYETH THE LORD.
self exploration is hard work.